A Birthmother’s Journey

What is it really like when you find out you’re in an unexpected pregnancy? Read this birthmother’s story of her experience with an unexpected pregnancy and her personal journey.

**Names and locations have been changed for privacy**  

A Positive Pregnancy Test 

This all started off with what seemed like “the worst time of my life” or “a nightmare.” When I first found out I was pregnant, I fell into a deep and dark place. At 10, almost 11 weeks pregnant, at the beginning of the Covid-19 pandemic, I lost my job. I scrambled for phone numbers to abortion clinics. There were two clinics that turned me down because I couldn’t have one after 10 weeks. I finally found one in ATL that would take someone up to 22 weeks. According to one of the ladies I talked to, I could go to Maryland and have an abortion up to 9 months.  

They gave me “all the options” but I noticed they never reassured me I would be okay. Nothing about going that route or considering that option felt right.  

An Abortion Appointment 

When I got to Atlanta they made me feel rushed. Even after signing off to hear the heartbeat and see the sonogram, they would not show me or let me hear a heartbeat. I realized I was on the last step before taking the first pill (medical abortion or “at home abortion”). I saw my sonogram as she was flipping through the clip board. When I asked for it she tried to leave. I held my hand on the door and then she looked at me, then the sonogram, and said “it’s twins” and my immediate response was to cry.  

I am a twin, then I told her, “get me out of here.”  

I went home and was still set on an abortion after getting through a day or two of the shock of it being twins. But it hurt my heart knowing I either needed to keep them or do this. Adoption was not something I had ever considered. I wanted to either keep them or abort them. It hurt my heart as I was more terrified of what my family might think. But I also knew I wasn’t ready at all for one baby much less two. I was willing to protect myself or “my image” over anything. I felt ashamed on top of the shame that already existed just simply living the lifestyle I had been living before I got pregnant.  

My Family’s Response 

My family found out and that’s ultimately when I started considering an adoption plan and I completely eliminated abortion as an option at all. After some hard conversations I finally said “adoption is the way to go for my babies.” I changed my mindset too, these babies are my babies and it is my responsibility to make sure they have what is best for them. It was not their fault for the mistake I made, it was mine. I needed to fix this FOR THEM and realized something beautiful could come from it. It was no longer about me. I knew ultimately it was what I needed to do.

Choosing Adoption 

My uncle suggested Lifeline to me. I had no idea what was in store or how this would go, no couple or family in mind yet just a changed heart and mindset on how I hoped this would all end. I started meeting with Jessica, my pregnancy counselor, once a week or more if I needed! She helped me think through what I wanted in a family and what type of relationship I wanted to have with them. She helped me create my adoption plan.

A few long months later things started getting more serious as we made my hospital plan. I started day dreaming on what the girls would be like, look like, etc. The adoptive parents I chose sent me pictures of baby cribs and clothes and even pictures of possible future pony’s for the girls! It was all so exciting and we were just itching to get to THE day! Then all the questions started coming, “would I be alone during hospital time because of covid?”, “will the adoptive parents be at the hospital?”, “would I still get to see the girls?”, “should I parent or is adoption really best?”, “how would I feel after?”, “will I still have support after placing?”.  

Jessica reassured me that this is my adoption plan and that it was ok to feel what I was feeling. We made my ideal plan and played the rest by ear with Covid. I would not be alone.  

Life After Choosing Adoption 

Now that we are past the birth and the girls are finally in North Carolina I do see that this was all God’s plan. Madison and Tiffany will be loved by so many and more importantly they have the best parents in the world. What started with the worst mistake ever has now ended in a beautiful story and blessing for so many people involved. Not only do the parents finally have what they have always wanted, children. I get to see them grow and be involved with the open adoption plan we have created with the help of Lifeline.  

I have gained two friends in Rebecca and Henry. As far as myself personally, the girls have taught me so much about myself and where I want to stand in my life. They’ve shown me anything is possible if you have a plan and you stick to it. The smallest decisions can impact so much whether they are good or bad and sometimes the bad decisions can teach you more than the good.  

Now, I see the bigger picture meant for myself and those sweet girls. A bright future ahead for Madison, Tiffany, their mom, dad and their entire family. I am completely humbled and will never be the same. I will learn from this and no longer make weak or small decisions but if I do I (I am human) I will always try and make the best of it from this day forth. Giving up is not an option for me. I plan to find a church and I know that through prayer and His word I have peace.  

I chose life for them and I want to say thank you to those precious girls for also giving me life.  

To begin discussing adoption with a pregnancy counselor today, reach out through our 24/7 FREE, HOTLINE by live chat, text, or phone at 1-800-875-5595.  Or you can submit a request for one of our Pregnancy Counselors to reach out to you.  

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